I have no idea what I'm writing about..

It is 5 in the morning and I'm having trouble sleeping.  My brain is tired, my mind is exhausted, I'm yawning yet sleep eludes me.  I want something potent to distract and alleviate this restlessness.  I'm hopping TV channels and nothing interesting is showing - no offense to Baba Ramdev, I'm his Yoga follower but watching him alternate between up dog and down dog asanas ain't helping my case, neither is watching repeat news - i mean i could watch something more than the elections or kingfisher fiasco or India losing against Australia - i'm already aware of all that.  I don't like listening to the self-proclaimed Guru's sermons when I think most of them are charlatans, although I like listening to Shivani (yes, my namesake) from I don't know which association and I don't remember which channel, but she makes practical sense.  Benidorm Pranksters is lame today and I have no interest in watching psycho, thriller, psycho thriller or action movies - not my genre, neither is Pirates of the Caribbean although I think Johnny Depp looks hot in Jack Sparrow's attire. 

I change more channels and stumble upon this one - an old actress cheesily swaying to 'kaun aaya nigaahon mein chamak jaag uthi' in her larger than life duplex bungalow, playing larger than life piano (cheesily) while the old actor secretly (and cheesily) watches her make a fool of herself and is obviously charmed.  The question is - what entices him - the song or her tight blouse and even tightly draped saree that one can barely breathe in let alone sing.  The end of the song, her catching him watch her, her blushing and him playing the beguiled lover in awe makes for the song winning the lamest screenplay award.  Seriously, whoever likes to compare Hindi cinema then and now and places the former over the latter sure gives a lot of consideration and weightage to the cheese quotient, lameness and larger than life scripts, not to forget is a pervert and needs to be talked out of it.  Really, ever noticed how the yesteryear actresses raise their eyebrows, give come hither looks, protrude their breasts oozing sex, they're such lures only looking to keep the men in their lives hooked onto them - where's the innocence?  Better are the contemporaries who get one boob job and save themselves the trouble of wearing a size smaller and to have to huff and heave the breasts up and down.  Yes, I know I'm generalizing but I'm sleepless and cranky.  Some movies of the yesteryears were indeed substantial and some actresses indeed sophisticated, elegant and deserving.  To name a few, I liked Wahida Rahman and Smita Patil's grace.  And of course a few old movies but what the heck that's not the point. 

I tried TLC, Fox traveler, NGC, Discovery and BBC entertainment which all happen to be my favorite - they always have something fresh and intriguing to offer but today I'm more irked by the mediocre boob bikini girls in a Puerto Rico museum showing around antique ceramics than being interested in ceramics.  What's the matter with me?  Or hold on, what's the matter with them?  Why do they need to wear bikinis in a museum?  TRP suckers!!

 I could use an episode or two of Man vs. wild.  Besides Grylls, the adventure part of it keeps me hooked to the channel although sometimes I wonder that what kind of an adventure is this with a direction team and a camera following you all the time?  If he were to slip into a swamp, would the director say 'cut, take 2'?  

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and HIMYM have always been the savior series on insomniac nights but I left my hard disk in the car.  A friend recently juxtaposed me with Monica Geller of FRIENDS.  I modestly admitted, "a little" and he said, "Excuse me madam! Not a little, you're a total replica of hers".  I concede mainly because she's very fastidious about cleanliness, is bossy and arrogant.  But sometimes I'm Rachel Green too - laidback and non sense.  If I were a man, I would want to be a blend of Chandler's humor, Ross's looks and to go beyond FRIENDS, Barney Stinson's (HIMYM) nonchalance.  I think I have exactly Robin Scherbatsky's confusion and indecisiveness about relationships, her take on marriage, kids and men in her life.  But that's not the point and that's not what I started to write about.  Whatever, as long as it's working...

As much as I have drifted already, I'd come back and finish what I started to write...

I've been an insomniac for almost a whole year now.  But the visions that are keeping me awake right now are different this time.  Everytime I close my eyes to sleep, what I witnessed yestermorning flashes before my eyes and his groaning sounds start resounding and I must snap my eyes open. 

My friend, who's otherwise fit and healthy, had an epilepsy attack yesterday.  The vision of him lying unconscious after the seizure was scary and daunting.  I had no idea what to do.  I had no idea what was happening to him.  I kept trying to shake him out of it but he fainted.  I felt helpless.  I was still on hospital line IVR when he got up, looking confused, oblivious to what he had just experienced.  My first impulse was to hug him and comfort him which confused him even more.  I told him what had just happened and he felt lost.  Some five minutes later, he asked again if something had happened to him.  I narrated the incident to him thrice in 20 minutes and he kept forgetting it each time.  In those 20 minutes, he did not even remember how/when/why he was in Delhi. 

I took him to the doctor who confirmed that he had an epilepsy seizure and prescribed a few neuro and health tests.  He was now returning to normalcy and seemed strangely composed.  I decided to spend the whole day with him.  It was a strange day.  I comforted him and he complained why I was giving him a VIP treatment.  I was sweet to him, which is so unlike me.  To my own disbelief, I joined him for a stroll to the local market and held his hand briefly while walking (too cheesy for my taste and he even pointed it out jokingly).  We watched India vs. Australia for a while.  Everytime he so much as coughed, I sudated.  When he drifted off to sleep for some time, I read about epilepsy and then his strange postictal (post epilepsy) behaviour started making sense.  I looked at his handsome face and tears kept rolling down.  He is so funny, witty and intelligent, a leader at his work place.  Why it had to happen to him?  He opened his eyes and asked why I was crying but I think he couldn't relate that the tears were for his condition because he had no idea what he went through.  So I let him believe whatever he might've assumed. 

 It's a strange neuro condition - epilepsy.  A few neurons in the brain go haywire randomly and the patient has a fit.  And the worst part is, that he can't even relate to the "ictal" experience (that is the seizure itself) which the people around them have endured. 

I am so exhausted that I want to prepone my sabbatical by two weeks and hop on the train right away. I wonder what might be going through his mind right now...


May God bless him and everyone with endurance and happiness.